|
|
|
|
i am deleting this journal. if you know anything about this,you'll be informed as to whats going on. and for those not privelaged enough,sucks for you. see ya around.
|
|
Comments: Read 3 or Add Your Own.
|
|
|
berst mix ever
1. The Juliana Theory - White Days (4:29)
2. The Decemberists - My Mother Was A Chinese Trapez (4:42)
3. Smashing Pumpkins - The World Is A Vampire (4:20)
4. Peter Yorn - Pete Yorn - Strange Condition (4:33)
5. Dogs Die In Hot Cars - No One Teaches Life Anything (2:24)
6. Pete Yorn - Closet (3:04)
7. Beatles - Revolution (3:23)
8. Pete Yorn - Murray (3:45)
9. The Bravery - Honest Mistake (3:41)
10. The Juliana Theory - Emotion is Dead (4:45)
11. Neutral Milk Hotel - In the Aeroplane Over the Sea (3:21)
12. Smashing Pumpkins - The End is the Beginning is the End (5:07)
13. The Futureheads - Stupid and Shallow (1:34)
14. Eels - Goddam Right It's A Beautiful Day (4:03)
15. Dar Williams - After All (4:01)
16. Breaking Pangea - Lullaby (5:00)
17. Bright Eyes - Puella Quam Amo Est Pulchra (3:11)
18. Radiohead - Sit Down. Stand Up. (4:15)
19. The Coral - In The Morning (3:05)
20. The Decemberists - Apology Song (3:11)
21. Ben Lee - Catch My Disease (4:14)
22. Smashing Pumpkins - The Killer in Me (3:15)
23. Pete Yorn - Life On A Chain (3:47)
24. Broken Social Scene - Cause = Time (5:30)
25. Radiohead - How To Disappear Completely (5:56)
26. Neutral Milk Hotel - My Dreamgirl (4:24)
27. Pete Yorn - Lose You (4:36)
28. The Decemberists - California One Youth and Beauty Brigade.mp3
29. Pete Yorn - June (2:34)
30. Seether - Remedy (2:46)
31. Morrissey - You Knew I Couldn't Last (5:51)
32. The Eels - The Eels - Saturday Morning.mp (2:57)
33. John Mayer - Love Song for No One (3:43)
34. the beatles - I Get High With A Little Help From My Friends (2:44)
35. Rufus Wainwright - Hallelujah (Shrek) (4:08)
36. Broken Social Scene - Lover's Spit.mp3
37. Chantal Kreviazuk - Time.mp3
38. Pete Yorn - Just Another (3:13)
39. The Beatles - Hey Jude (7:02)
40. Watashi Wa - The Air I Breathe (3:43)
41. Neutral Milk Hotel - Holland, 1945.mp3
42. my morning jacket - picture of you.mp3
43. The Futureheads - Le Garage.mp3
44. Eels - I Need Some Sleep (2:27)
45. The Polyphonic Spree - Hold Me Now (Radio Edit) (4:06)
46. John Mayer - Daughters (3:59)
47. Radiohead - Karma Police (4:21)
48. Smashing Pumpkins - Porcelina Of The Vast Oceans (9:21)
49. Fiery Furnaces - Here Comes The Summer.mp3
50. Beatles - All The Lonely People.mp3
51. TV on the Radio - dreams (5:09)
52. Apples in Stereo - The Silvery Light of a Dream (part II) (3:09)
53. Pete Yorn - On Your Side (5:02)
54. The Coral - Goodbye (2:42)
55. The Juliana Theory - This is Your Life (3:35)
56. The Beatles - Let it Be (3:52)
57. John Mayer - Back to You.mp3
58. The Juliana Theory - if i told you this was killing me, would you stop (3:52)
59. Rufus Wainwright - Foolish Love (5:46)
60. Peter Yorn - Musicforthemorningafter - 06 - For Nancy(1).mp3
61. Spitalfield - Those Days You Felt Alive (3:50)
62. Aimee Mann - Nothing Is Good Enough (3:08)
63. My Morning Jacket - If It Smashes Down (5:28)
64. Smashing Pumpkins - Mellon Collie And The Infinite Sadness (2:52)
65. Dashboard Confessional - The Best Deceptions (4:14)
66. Pete Yorn - Black (4:11)
|
|
Comments: Read 6 or Add Your Own.
|
| Time: | 1:18 am. |
| Music: | mae-ready and waiting to fall. |
|
im still here i just dont like this thing anymore
i dont like posting my feelings anymore,its annoying
noone wants to hear what i say anyway:-P
|
|
Comments: Read 2 or Add Your Own.
|
|
|
I picked you out
Of a crowd and talked to you.
Said I liked your shoes,
You said, "Thanks, Can I follow you?"
So it's up the stairs,
And out of view. No prying eyes.
I poured some wine.
I asked your name;
You asked the time.
Now it's two o'clock.
The club is closed,
We are up the block.
Your hands are on me,
Pressing hard against your jeans,
Your tongue in my mouth,
Trying to keep the words from coming out,
You didn't care to know
Who else may have been you before.
I want a lover I don't have to love,
I want a girl who's too sad to give a fuck.
Where's the kid with the chemicals?
I thought he said to meet him here,
But I'm not sure.
I've got the money
If you've got the time.
You said, "It feels good."
I said "I'll give it a try."
Then my mind went dark,
We both forgot where your car was parked.
Let's just take the train.
I'll meet up with the band in the morning
Bad actors, with bad habits...
Some sad singers, they just play tragic.
And the phone is ringing,
And the van is leaving
Let's just keep touching,
Let's just keep...keep singing
I want a lover I don't have to love,
I want a boy who's so drunk he doesn't talk.
Where's the kid with the chemicals?
I got a hunger and I can't seem to get full.
I need some meaning I can memorize.
The kind I have always seems to slip my mind.
But you, but you...
You write such pretty words,
But life's no storybook.
Love's an excuse to get hurt.
And to hurt.
Do you like to hurt?
I do, I do.
Then hurt me,
Then hurt me,
Then hurt me...
|
|
Comments: Read 1 or Add Your Own.
|
|
|
heres my broken hearted playlist...
1. Lit - ZipLock (3:33)
2. Dashboard Confessional - This Bitter Pill (3:13)
3. The Futureheads - Hounds of Love - Kate Bush Cover [Reading] (2:57)
4. Ben Lee - How to Survive a Broken Heart (2:49)
5. Morrissey - The More You Ignore Me, The Closer I Get.mp3
6. Pete Yorn - Just Another.mp3
7. The Black Keys - Hurt Like Mine.mp3
8. The Burden Brothers - Buried In Your Black Heart.mp3
9. The Coral - Goodbye.mp3
10. The Exploding Hearts - Sleeping Aides and Razorblades.mp3
11. The Fiery Furnaces - Single Again.mp3
12. The Juliana Theory - Something Isn't Right Here.mp3
13. The Thermals - A Stare Like Yours.mp3
|
|
Comments: Read 1 or Add Your Own.
|
|
|
this smile only lasted for so long,
behind that smile was the inevitable heartbreak
if i could only see it in my eyes,predictable
i wish i could have known how i would hurt
|
|
Comments: Read 2 or Add Your Own.
|
| Time: | 8:36 pm. |
| Mood: |  cynical. |
|
well...brooke dumped me..because we're "too diffferent" and other things...i dton really want to talk about it so dont ask
everytime i think i find someone...it sure enough goes away
wheres chris when i need him so i can cry on his shoulder? :(
|
|
Comments: Read 5 or Add Your Own.
|
|
|
Morrissey...Is absolutely incredible.
i just can't get enough of him. wow. just,wow.
::is blown away::
|
|
Comments: Read 3 or Add Your Own.
|
|
|
Advanced Global Personality Test Results | Extraversion | |||||||||||||||||||| | 90% | | Stability | |||||||||||| | 50% | | Orderliness | || | 10% | | Empathy | |||||||||| | 36% | | Interdependence | || | 10% | | Intellectual | |||||||||||| | 50% | | Mystical | |||||||||||| | 50% | | Artistic | |||||||||||||||||||| | 90% | | Religious | || | 10% | | Hedonism | |||||||||||||||||||| | 90% | | Materialism | || | 10% | | Narcissism | |||||||||||||||| | 63% | | Adventurousness | |||||||||||||||||||| | 90% | | Work ethic | |||||||||||| | 50% | | Self absorbed | |||||||||||||||||| | 76% | | Conflict seeking | |||||||||||||| | 56% | | Need to dominate | |||||||||||||||| | 63% | | | Romantic | |||||||||||||||||||| | 90% | | Avoidant | || | 10% | | Anti-authority | |||||||||||| | 50% | | Wealth | || | 10% | | Dependency | |||||||||||||||| | 63% | | Change averse | |||||||||||||||||||| | 90% | | Cautiousness | |||||||||||||||||| | 76% | | Individuality | |||||||||||||||||||| | 90% | | Sexuality | |||||||||||||||||||| | 90% | | Peter pan complex | |||||||||||||||||||| | 90% | | Physical security | |||||||||||||||||||| | 90% | | Food indulgent | |||||||||||||||| | 70% | | Histrionic | |||||||||||||| | 56% | | Paranoia | |||||||||||| | 50% | | Vanity | |||||||||||||||||| | 76% | | Hypersensitivity | |||||||||||||||||||| | 90% | | Female cliche | |||||||||||||||||| | 76% | |
| Take Free Advanced Global Personality Testpersonality tests by similarminds.comMe in a nutshell: messy, outgoing, open, self revealing, ambivalent about chaos, unpredictable, not good at saving money, social, likes large parties, likes to stand out, risk taker, quick to make friends, does not like to be alone, rash, fame seeking, sarcastic, craves attention, social chameleon, low self control, food lover, not rule conscious, weird, assertive, not a perfectionist, anti-authority, thrill seeker, vain, likes to fit in, reckless, emotionally sensitive, leisurely, trusting
|
|
Comments: Read 2 or Add Your Own.
|
|
|
so today was ok. did nothing,went to school,saw my grandmom and alfred :). brooke came over short after that. we played THPS for a while,played guitar, brooke,i'm still gonna teach you to use a pick lol. and we layed around and talked,and listened to mae. it was nice,i liked it. i want to do that more often with her. i'm going to do that more often with her,just lay down,hold her hand,rest my head on her stomach and just talk about things. anything we want,just talking and stuff.
I lurrvvveee her :)
i'm the happiest i've ever been,ever.
and i'm sorry if you don't like it if any of you that read this dont...but it's just how it is. and if any of you readers do feel that way well..i'm sorry to say but, that sucks. 'cos i'm happy...and if you were that close to me,you should be happy for me,too.
^--yeah about that,i'm not saying i'm accusing anyone of like being annoyed of me posting about brooke all the time but i just want to make it clear,in case anyone does feel that way. kay? kay. :)
well i'm off now to talk to kakey,and listen to more ponys. yum yum i love obscure musiccccc :-D.
♥
|
|
Comments: Read 2 or Add Your Own.
|
|
Wednesday, May 18th, 2005
|
|
|
so,alot of things happened monday night..i don't want to go into detail about it,because if you're close enough to me,you know what happened..in full detail.
Brooke said alot of things,and she really got through to me. there are alot of things in my personality i need to change,before i either end up getting the shit kicked out of me by people,became unsuccessful in life,or just be unhappy..it's going to drive me into bad paths if i keep going on the way i have been. so,in spirit of all of this,i'm changing. nothing about like,how i dress or anything like that. internal shit. i'm changing it. because i don't want to lose her over something i can change. i can be better than this.
and so,thats just how it's going to be.
I love her,i love her so much. she's my world. and i'm glad that i'm her's,too.
so today was ok,alot of stupid shit happened at school,that really angered me,but i kept my cool and didn't let it get to me.
alot of things that i let get to me,and don't let go of...are really stupid. so,theres no point in getting all worked up.
i see brooke tomorrow :) i'm so excited. i feel like i havent seen her in forever..even though its only been a few days,i miss her so.
My mom knows about brooke & i,and she doesn't care. ::wipes forhead:: i'm really elated that she knows now,cuz i dont have to be scared and think " is she going to see me with her? is she going to walk in on us and see it? is she gonna freak out?" so,thats good too.
yeah,and we talked too. i apologized to my mom about everything that happened..and the way i acted. so things are all great now. with pretty much everyone.except a certain person that said shit to brooke that wasnt necessary at all. ::anger face::
My grandmom and her companion,alfred are coming into town tomorrow. the plane arrives around like 5. they should be here when i get home. eeee! i missed my grandmom..even though its only been like 3 months. and it'll be nice to see alfred again,the crazy polish bastard.
I'm pretty sure thats all i really have to say.
x's and o's
|
|
Comments: Read 1 or Add Your Own.
|
|
|
will we let go: i'm like a closet nerd
off winters edge: hahaha!
will we let go: yup
will we let go: it happens to the best of us
off winters edge: hey, not like its necessarily a bad thing
will we let go: hm
will we let go: maybe i should come out of the closet for the second time
will we let go: LOL
off winters edge: HAHA!
|
|
Comments: Read 2 or Add Your Own.
|
|
|
Tonight...really hasn't been a good night. i don't feel like explaning,because it'll just bring up how i felt like an hour ago. so here's 2 songs that kind of captivates it.bolded are the things that i feel relative right now.
Jimmy eat world-"kill"
Well you're just across the street,
Looks a mile to my feet,
I wanna go to you.
Funny how I'm nervous still,
I've always been the easy kill
I guess I always will
Could it be that everything goes round by chance (Chance) Or only one way that it was always meant to be (be)
You kill me you always know the perfect thing to say, hey hey, hey hey
I know what I should do but I just can't walk away
I can picture your face well
from the bar in my hotel
I wish I'd go to you
I pick up put down the phone
Like your fave heatmiser song goes:
It's just like being alone
Oh god please don't tell me this has been in vain (Vain)
I need answers for what all the waiting I've done means(means)
You kill me you've got some nerve but can't face your mistakes hey hey, hey hey
I know what I should do but i just can't turn away
So go on love
Leave while there's still hope for escape
Gotta take what you can these days
There's so much ahead and so much regret
I know what you wanna say
I know but I can't help feeling differently
I loved you and I shoulda said it but tell me just what has it ever meant
I can't help it baby this is who I am (am)
I'm sorry but I can't just go turn off how i feel (feel)
You kill me up you build me up but just to watch me break hey hey, hey hey
I know what I should do but I just can't walk away.
this is how i feel about my mom tonight
Jimmy eat world-"pain"
I don't feel the way I've ever felt.
I know.
I'm gonna smile and not get worried.
I try but it shows.
Anyone can make what I have built.
And better now
Anyone can find the same white pills.
It takes my pain away.
It's a lie. A kiss with opened eyes.
And she's not breathing back.
Anything but bother me.
(It takes my pain away)
Never mind these are horrid times.
Oh oh oh
I can't let it bother me.
I never thought I'd walk away from you.
I did.
But it's a false sense of accomplishment.
Every time I quit
Anyone can see my every flaw.
It isn't hard.
Anyone can say they're above this all.
It takes my pain away.
It's a lie. A kiss with opened eyes.
And she's not breathing back.
Anything but bother me.
(It takes my pain away)
Never mind these are horrid times.
Oh oh oh
I can't let it bother me.
I can't let it bother me.
It takes my pain away.
It's a lie. A kiss with opened eyes.
And she's not breathing back.
Anything but bother me.
(It takes my pain away)
Never mind these are horrid times.
Oh oh oh
I can't let it bother me</b>
|
|
Comments: Add Your Own.
|
|
|
so i didnt do much today,i woke up at like 11 and got up and shit,went to the movies with the parents and saw house of wax. my mom bitched because it was something she didnt want to see,but i wanted to see it and i know dad wanted to see it to. so she got bitchy for pretty much no reason. but i dont care,she can suck it up & deal with it.
House of wax was pretty good. i've gotta say,paris hilton dying is probably one of the best parts..SHE DIES ON HER KNEES. who woulda thought? fits her well if you want my opinion. however,she can't act for shit..but i know we all knew that as well. 'thats hot',apparently not paris,your character is killed off the movie! that must mean you should deal your hand in something else.
anywho,then we all went home and i recorded a new song. The song is called "remember melodies". it's really pretty. much more mature than my other music,i've got to say. hands down to myself and,well,myself. i thoroughly enjoy the track and i encourage any of you reading this that is interested,to download it to..down load it here--->Lahn Smith-Remember Melodies
anyways yeah. other than that i pretty much larded around,talked to brooke on the phone for a while,and that was that. then we talked online for a while and my cousins,aunt&uncle popped in for a bit..i dont really enjoy when people stop in because they're stopping in...so i dont really know when they're coming..i hate that. don't pop in on me,unless you live close,or i'm sick,or i get aids or something..just kidding about the aids part.
and now i'm sitting here,i'm gonna go to bed in a half hour. i'm kind of bored now.
I haven't had a cig since...friday. i'm kinda proud. i just kind of think i needed to move on,i stopped using drugs/drinking/all that crap,then i quit smoking(even though it is still hard),and i guess this is just the next step..dealing with shit without having a crutch. (drugs/cigarettes). i found it though,whaddya know,it's music. what the hell do you people expect? i'm a music nerd,for christs sakes.
speaking of music,i found out some really kick ass bands tonight searching amazon like a nerd. here's a list.
- Anberlin
- copeland
- spitalfield
- the academy is
- number one fan
- plain white t's
- acceptance
- lovedrug
- watashi wa
- sleeping at last
- number one gun
- slow coming day
<3
I love you brooke
|
|
Comments: Read 1 or Add Your Own.
|
|
|
yea so fri night i slept over brookes house and it was nice,i held her all night and it owned supreme. and then saturday i spent some time with her and she went to work and i walked around the ginormous shopping center...for four hours. ok i lied i dindt really walk around i walked to barnes and noble and chilled there for most of the time. but it was kind of nice i liked it but i missed her so much. so i bought mae's cd "the everglow" and it owns. also i bought brooke "lucky" by melissa etheridge. she appears to be enjoying it very much. than how sweet is she she treated for dinner and let me pick where i wanted to go. so we got chinese(surprise surpise cuz i love chinese) and we ordered some split thing but hey it was pretty fuckin good. i just thought it was really cool of her that she did that,and she didn't have to. it was really nice,and i thought it was sweet.
then we watched napoleon dynamite..kinda. we also layed there and talked for a while too. which was cool. then i helped her find a codec so she could watch her l word eps she downloaded...but she found the codec..i tried though lol. then she took me home and i almost walked into a car when i was saying goodbye..lol i'm a fuckin dork. anyway yea and now i'm just not sleeping though i have to get up at like 10 but whatever i don care..i think im going to try and go to sleep though n listen to dashboard while i sleep.ya.
oh ps i got a new layout feel free to check it out
![[info]](http://l-stat.livejournal.com/img/userinfo.gif) emoforbreafast
emoforbreafast
emoforbreafast
i love you brooke,i know you're reading this :-P
<3
|
|
Comments: Read 4 or Add Your Own.
|
|
|
You know,it's irritating when i see people succombing to a culture that is completely ridiculous. let's say...Rap music. maybe its me,maybe its the music i listen to,the way i am that makes me think this.
i just am disgusted at rap music. i don't see how anyone could like it. Like...seriously. who would want to look ignorant and uneducated? yeah..lets talk like this 'what up hoe give me dat cash befoe i tap dat ass' like i donno maybe its me but these people obviously don't realize how idiotic they sound by talking like that. SPEAK FUCKING ENGLISH. PROPER FUCKING ENGLISH. jesus christ. it really gets on my nerves.
And also...religion. it baffles me. i can't believe people would "give themselves" to god. why would you give yourself to something you cant see? you shouldn't be putting all your faith into god,something you can't see..you dont even know if it's doing anything. my opinion is,if you want to put faith in something,put it in yourself! if you get cancer,you can't blame god! so why would you praise him when good things happen? seriously. it's fucking stupid. i think religious people need to get a life,and stop giving their life away to jesus. face it,nobody wants to hear your rants about how god loves you. it's pathetic,get a fucking life!
Thats my little piece of the day.
have a good night kids.
|
|
Comments: Read 3 or Add Your Own.
|
|
|
this song is so true,read the lyrics.
It's not the right time to be sober
Now the idiots have taken over
Spreading like a social cancer, is there an answer?
Mensa membership conceding
Tell me why and how are all the stupid people breeding
Watson, it's really elementary
The industrial revolution
Has flipped a bitch on evolution
The benevolent and wise are being thwarted, ostracized, what a bummer
The world keeps getting dumber
Insensitivity is standard and faith is being fancied over reason
Darwin's rollin over in his coffin
The fittest are surviving much less often
Now everything seems to be reversing, and it's worsening
Someone flopped a steamer in the gene pool
Now angry mob mentality's no longer the exception, it's the rule
And I'm startin to feel a lot like charlton heston
Stranded on a primate planet
Apes and orangutans that ran it to the ground
With generals and the armies that obeyed them
Followers following fables
Philosophies that enable them to rule without regard
There's no point for democracy when ignorance is celebrated
Political scientists get the same one vote as some Arkansas inbred
Majority rule, don't work in mental institutions
Sometimes the smallest softest voice carries the grand biggest solutions
What are we left with?
A nation of God-fearing pregnant nationalists
Who feel it's their duty to populate the homeland
Pass on traditions
How to get ahead religions
And prosperity via simpelton culture
The idiots are takin over
|
|
Comments: Read 1 or Add Your Own.
|
|
|
So i've been sick since like...monday.it just got really bad tuesday,i didn't go to school. basically what was wrong was that i was weezing,coughing balls,and my back started to hurt. by wednesday the back pain was so bad i was practically crying. and my coughing was much more painful,and much more deeper.
so i went to the doctors,my parents were convinced i really was sick. (i used to fake it alot,so they still suspect sometimes.) anyway,so i was at the doctors..and my backpain was just so bad that i cried,i cried and cried and cried. and then i wailed,it was that bad i was almost screaming and crying. it hurt so bad. so the doctor took me in,and he checked my breathing out,and shit. and so basically he came up with the conclusion that i have allergen induced bronchitis,it's not contagious. however,he also prescribed me an inhaler with the other medication i have. i can't smoke anymore. which is fine with me,i've been trying to cut down and quit anyway. i have to say though,i'm going on a day and like 6 hours without a cigarette. so its good. the back pain just hurts when the medicine wears off. the reason why i have the backpain is because my lungs are so tight that the tightness literally pushes to my back. and it hurts.
and brooke came over yesterday,and we chilled. she cuddled with me,i love her so much. she makes me feel so taken care of. :)
but anyways,i get to miss the rest of the week of school :) and my grades wont suffer,since i'm going to make all the shit up anyway,and they're really in good shape. so it's all good. i'm off to go do stuff. cya.
I love you brooke! :-D
|
|
Comments: Read 3 or Add Your Own.
|
|
|
</font>Check me out!
uncomfortable.
chipper.
thoughtful.